Again?

Last night we had to run to Abilene and anytime we go, Justin insists that we stop at Academy. He's always out of some fishing item despite having 1/2 of the store stocked in his boat shed. The kids and I usually stay in the car while he runs in. I noticed a lady pull in front of the store doors and 5 employees exit with 2 huge boxes. She'd purchased a swimming pool. She was driving and SUV and I wondered if the boxes would fit. They got one in but after 5 minutes of attempting the other determined they wouldn't fit. I could tell she was getting frustrated and that "Little Voice" I mentioned in a previous blog told me to get out and ask where she lived. We were in Justin's truck and could easily fit the boxes in back. If it wouldn't be too far out of the way, I'd have Justin take it to her house. So I got out and said "Where do you live?" She gave me the oddest look and said "Anson." Ah ha! Anson is 25 miles from Abilene and it's a town we have to travel through in able to get back home to Hamlin. I told her we lived in Hamlin and that we were done running errands and we'd be glad to deliver it to her. She was so shocked she didn't know what to say. I told her who we were, that Justin owned Cooper Insurance and that we had two little kids in the back who needed to be home soon for bath and bed. She then told me that her and her husband hadn't lived in Anson long and that they owned the BBQ place there (we'd eaten there many times.) She said that she was so thankful for my gesture because the boxes wouldn't fit and Academy wouldn't hold them for her and she was going to have to return the pool. The employees clearly were wondering what my motive was and if this lady would ever see her pool again. I gave her our info and she told me to drop the pool off at their resturaunt. So we did. All was well. I really didn't want to tell this story, but I felt like it was an important lesson. How many times have you been in a bind and haven't had the help you need? People watch your struggle and do nothing. How many times have you seen someone in trouble and refuse to get involved? Or simply ignored the little voice to go ask if you can help? Imagine what our world would be if we all listened and acted instead of listened and justified an excuse?

Our world is in desperate need of kindness. Go pay some forward today. May the grace of our Lord be with you all...

The Passion of my Lord

What a solumn and humbling day for me. I can not put into words the gratitude I have for Christ and the immense suffering that He endured so that I could have eternal life in paradise. My biggest fear is that doubt will continue to cast over the hearts of millions of people who refuse to believe. Martin Luther King, Jr said "Faith is taking the first step, even though you don't see the whole staircase." Whether it be a past negative experience associated with God's people, logic, or disagreement with Biblical teachings, I pray that the desire to know a love greater than anything we can experience on earth fills their heart and they begin to take that first step. Satan does a fantastic job of convincing people that God doesn't exist. The fact is, whether you serve God or not, you are choosing to serve something. Even if you merely serving yourself. I can't fathom knowing that these x number of years we have on earth are it. That we have nothing left when our last breath is formed. That children who pass too soon have no where to go but the earth. I have hope, I have faith in something better.

I got word of this documentary the other day and I can't wait to see it. It's only in big city theatres right now but I have no doubt that it will help move our nation into a better direction. Watch the clip. Very interesting....

Fire....again

I was happily stuffing Easter eggs at my MOMs group this morning when one of the other moms got a call about a fire on the edge of town. I didn't think much of it. We talked a little about the rumor that these fires were being set by someone. A black dually truck has been spotted leaving when the fires break out. The area where they are started has evidence of arson. Anyway, I get the kids from the nursery and walk outside. I see tons of smoke in the direction of our home. I rush home and I see flames, smoke and fire trucks everywhere. I immediately stopped by a neighbors, called Justin's secretary to come help me (He was fishing at Choke Canyon) and started throwing things in the car. Luckily all our photos, computer cd's, and important files were already in the car from last weeks threat. Kristi helped me get loaded and we left. I met my mother in law 30 miles away and she took the kids. I headed back to Hamlin. By that time, the fire was under control. It came within 50 yards of destroying a neighborhood. I live 2 blocks from the area that was on fire.

http://www.ktxs.com/news/27599323/detail.html

The good news is that it's under control and no homes were lost. However, they think it was the arsonist. There's truly no bigger scumbag than one who finds joy in destroying people, things, and animals. It makes me sick. What brave firemen we have. I can't thank them enough for all they have done. We need a rain, folks. Make that your #1 prayer each and every day.

As for me, I'm keeping all of our valubles in the car until we get a rain.

Holy smokes

Happy Holy Week!

Only 5 days left of Lent and I will be back in the facebook world. I have to say, I'm a little hesitant to go back. If I wasn't so out of the loop, I would probably stay away for good. However, I have learned that without facebook one is definitely out of the loop. The only news I know is what I read on my bigcountryhomepage app or in the newspaper. It can be a really good thing to not know everything. I've realized what a dark hole facebook is. It just swallows up your time and rather than truly living, you are chained to it. I will go back, but I promised myself that I will only allow myself time after the kids are in bed. It will be limited. I have enjoyed the freedom from it and I feel like I've accomplished more this Lent that I have in a very long time.

As most of you know, we've been in the middle of wildfires. I had never been so scared. I realized how important it is to have photos, files, and important momentos in a place where you can easily grab them and go. No hoarding here. Thank you all so much for the prayers and asking others to pray. We still need a rain so please keep praying! For all of Texas especially. Over a million acres has burned since wildfire season began this year and 2 major fires continue to burn as I type.

This morning I discovered that Spanx makes swimsuits. No longer will I fear summer. Too bad they don't make them in full length bodysuits--you know, the kind the the scuba people wear.

My Moms group meets this morning and as I type I have a toddler riding his tricycle in the house butt naked and one in a diaper eating breakfast crumbs off the floor. Duty calls.....

That little voice

There's many terms for it-- coincidence, accident, chance, irony. I choose to believe it's something greater than that. Possibly the Holy Spirit or God planting a seed into our heart. I don't call it chance. Yesterday I was driving home from grocery shopping in Abilene. It was already past Allie's bed time, Carson and Justin were on their way back from the lake, and I was tired. If Carson isn't in the car, I will often listen to Catholic radio or the CD of the month on various Christian/Catholic topics. We have a DVD player so rarely do I get this chance. I now have Cars, Barney, and Elmo memorized. When he's not in the car, I enjoy learning something other than my ABC's and I enjoy gaining a deeper understanding of my faith. Especially since I teach CCD classes. I had just received a new CD on Friday in the mail but for some reason, I wasn't interested in listening. I drove in silence for awhile and felt a big nudge to call my best friend, Amanda. I tried to tell myself it wasn't a good time to call. After all, she has a newborn and it was probably bath time. Something just kept telling me to call. So I did. Amanda answered and I could tell something was up. I asked "What are you doing?" and she replied with tears "Leaving the cemetery." I immediately apologized but something inside told me to tell her this-- I said "Ah, I guess Kynadi just planted a seed and told me to call." You see, I don't believe in chance. I hadn't talked to Amanda on the phone since the kids birthday party. I rarely ever call her in the evenings since we both are stay at home moms and can talk during the day. I was tired, Allie was fussing in the back, but I listened to that little voice and I called. I didn't have any words of comfort for Amanda. I didn't know what to say. I know there's nothing I can say. I was caught off guard. We didn't talk long, a precious sound was ringing from the back of the car-- the sounds of a newborn baby crying. He needed his mommy and she needed him. We quickly hung up. Sometimes when we don't know what to say to those who are hurting, we can often talk to God. So I did. I thanked Kynadi for letting me know that her mommy and daddy needed a friend to call and a friend to pray. And I thanked God for the little cry in the backseat of the car.

April 15th will be here on Friday. This will be my 2nd April 15th since we lost our precious baby. I remember on April 14th, 2009 I had reached the 12th week mark and was thrilled that my pregnancy was going so smoothly and easily. I wasn't sick and I felt great. I knew the 12th week was pretty crucial since the risk of miscarriage declines at that point. Little did I know that the very next day I would wake up with cramping and bleeding. I called the doctor and they said not to worry. By 3 that afternoon I knew something wasn't right and they told me to hurry and get there before he made his rounds. We drove 80-90 mph the entire way. We made it in time but the adrenaline from rushing was soon transformed into grief. The little heartbeat I had seen just 4 weeks before was no longer beating. I could no longer look at the u/s machine. I hoped he would find something I wasn't seeing. He didn't. There is nothing in life that can prepare a mother for that moment. The next day I went in for a D&C and that was it. The baby was gone. I had never felt so empty in all of my life. I wanted my baby. Two years has passed. God quickly blessed us 2 1/2 months later when I found out I was expecting our precious Allie. I created a special box for our baby. In it are sympathy cards from friends, u/s photo's of the baby, and letters from me. I still write to our angel. I was beginning to think I was crazy for doing this because people don't talk about miscarriage years after it happens. They don't ask, you don't tell. It's really odd because I know that any mother who has lost a child to miscarriage silently grieves in her heart years and years after loosing the baby.

God clearly knows what we need exactly at the right time. I'd been dreading the impending April 15th day for a month now and wondered how and when I would ever explain to our kids that they have a sibling in heaven. I went into the local gas station to get a gift certificate for a friend and the owners daughter in law was telling me about this amazing book she had just finished the night before. "Heaven is for Real" written by a father who's son (age 4) had a ruptured appendix go undetected for a week and had been in critical care. A month after his recovery, the little boy starts telling his dad about going to heaven and coming back. I won't spoil the book for any of you (yes, I downloaded it to my kindle app and read it within a few hours) but at one point the little boy starts talking about his sister in heaven. The father is confused because they had only had 2 children. Then the boy (age 4, who had never known about his mothers miscarriage or even what a miscarriage was) tells him dad that he has a sister who died in his mommy's tummy and she lives in heaven. The mother had a miscarriage at 2 months and it deeply affected her. She never told her son about it because she felt he was too young to understand. As I read through this part, I found myself overcome with sobs and emotion. I'd always believed my baby was in heaven. I often wonder what it would be like to rock him/her in heaven. What a joy it will be to see my precious baby's face. For the first time since we lost our baby, I felt like I wasn't crazy. All it took was this little boy's account to verify my belief. Even if he's wrong, (I don't believe he is) I'm so grateful that any mother who has lost a child can read the book and find comfort. For a grieving mother, there is nothing more precious than knowing our child is being taken care of.

When Amanda and I were in college, we'd decorate the halls and our doors for Halloween and other events throughout the year. I made a comment to her once as we hung streamers, "I can't wait for the day we do this for our kids birthday parties." Little did I know that my wish would come true. Little did I know that my wish would become our biggest nightmare. I have no doubt that my sweet baby welcomed Kyandi when she arrived into heaven. I smile when I think of them playing and singing together. They are with God. His birthday decorations are far more beautiful than anything Amanda and I could ever do.

If you ever get that little "feeling" like you should just text someone, call, email, or send them a little snail mail note- LISTEN. We spend too much time ignoring the voice and justifying our time with other priorities. Spend what time you have as if it were more precious than gold. For your time may be the only joy that person sees in a day.

On a side note, one of Allie's toys started going off as I began to type this. It has never, ever gone off on it's own before. Nothing was touching it. I have a feeling some little feet from heaven were running around here tonight. They are gladly welcome any time.

Life Lessons

It's amazing what one can learn in a weeks time. Especially considering that some lessons are not what you wanted to learn. 1. Yogurt, when spread thin, takes seconds to start wreaking of sour milk. Lesson complimentary of Allison Elizabeth who pulled her brothers yogurt container off the kitchen table while I was getting ready and managed to paint herself and the floor with it. It took a bath, 1/2 roll of paper towels, and 2 mopping sessions to rid the stench. 2. Everyone should work a voter registration booth at least once in their life. Our town is in jeopardy of loosing it's little hospital due to some of the county residents who are trying to de-annex themselves from our district so they won't have to pay taxes on our hospital. I got word that over 1/2 the county wasn't even registered to vote. Voting is the only way we'll save the hospital. Clearly a voter registration drive was needed so I coordinated it and rallied volunteers to help work a booth outside local business' and get people registered. After working shifts, I've realized some people are outright hateful about anyone suggesting they register, more or less vote. It's ironic they will boldly proclaim they don't vote or don't care, yet they won't look you in the eye or even bother to have a conversation. They run off muttering rude comments with their back turned to you. After spending years traveling with my grandparents to volunteer at the VA hospital, I take my civil liberties and rights as an American citizen with sincere respect and honor. I will never, ever disrespect the sacrifice that millions of men and women made. I vividly remember a particular visit to the VA hospital when my Opa was admitted as a patient and hearing another patient down the hall crying with such a primal anguish as he relived the war in his dreams. Humans aren't designed to fight like that but they did (do) so that we have the liberty our country was founded on. If you choose not to vote, fine. At least have the decency to serve your country in other ways, to volunteer doing something for our service people, or even simply respecting the voter registration worker and politely declining. 3. Short shorts and bikini's should have a buying age of "under 25 only" on the tag. A trip to Sams this week had me in awe (not the good kind) of a few mothers who needed a lesson on what not to wear. Personally, I don't think short shorts are appropriate at any age but if people insist on wearing them, definitely an age requirement. Possibly even a weight one, too. They need to put a "Don't take me seriously" shirt to pair with the shorts. That's right ladies, no one will take you seriously if you leave nothing to the imagination. 4. Passport applications clearly aren't designed for babies. Justin called me as he was working on the kids passports (summer vacation trip to Playa De Carmon or however you spell it!) and the question on hair color came up. He didn't know what to put for Allie. Bald wasn't an option. 5. In Texas, it can snow in April or reach 103 degrees. We experienced the latter. Clearly it's going to be a miserable spring and summer.

Happy Birthday

What a fabulous weekend we had. Saturday was spent celebrating the kids birthday's. Since we didn't really have a official "party" for Allie, we included her into the celebration with Carson. Neither one minded and it saved us some cash so it was a win-win for all. We had a train ride, pinata, hot dogs, and cake. Truly a wonderful day filled with family and friends.

Here are few photo's from the festivities:

Carson's gift from us was a John Deere gator that he can ride on. He was so excited and as he drove by, he stopped to proclaim "Gators have many jobs on the farm." He then went about his business of driving. He got that line from a video or book. We aren't sure where but he certainly knew the line. From my mom (Nana) he got a new John Deere bike. No more tricycle! He has certainly tore up the Hamlin neighborhoods on the tricycle but it was time to move to something bigger. This has training wheels so he's a lot faster. If you see us coming down the street, you may want to get the heck outta dodge. He's a little wild on the bike.

3 years ago today we met Carson for the first time. Little did we know that 3 years later, we still wouldn't have had a full nights sleep. What a wild and adventurous time it has been. We need to be buying stock in paper towels and band aids. Possibly even John Deere at this point since our house looks like a JD toy factory. I know that whatever Carson does in life, he will be 100% successful. He certainly doesn't have a lazy bone in his body and he has the will of a mule. His intelligence combined with those qualities is a recipe for something great. I foresee any job related to engineering at this point. Who knows---I'm sure it'll change.

Happy Birthday Carson! I treasure every second I have with you and I look forward to every day we have left together.

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And you are the one who'll decide where to go..." - Dr Seuss